There have been a spate of divorces around me off late. I
was wondering how the people involved in divorces might feel. Divorce has been
pretty common in the west, but its still a dreaded word in India. Its still a
taboo. Its like you are condemned into perpetual second grade treatment just
because you are divorced. Indians settled in the west are no exception to this
kind of senseless and baseless prejudice. After all no matter where you go, an
Indian is still an Indian.
Coming to the central theme, why would anyone want a
divorce. Marriage is universally accepted as a sacred institution and the
single most, life altering event in anyones life. What would prompt someone to
renege on such a big decision. I would imagine them to have taken their time
and done their due diligence before taking in the plunge and saying yes. We
spend more than a few weeks just to find the perfect dress for our big day, you
would expect them to spend more time deciding on their partner. But somehow the
same over-zealous, afraid-of-the-community-saying parents force the kids to
decide on their life partner in around 3 or 4 meetings. Decisions made in a
span of around 10 hours of interaction at max will more often than not result
in you making a mistake.
I find the west quite advanced in this matter, they normally
have love marriages only. The couple gets ample amount of time to spend with
each other, testing and checking each other for all sorts of compatibilities
including physical relationships, which are a major aspect, but ignored
comfortably in the Indian scenarios. The west ironically has more percentage of
marriages ending in a divorce. As my mother puts it, "how can kids feel at
home when they are staying with the 4th husband of the fifth wife". Well she's
right in a way. We provide a better environment for kids to feel at home, but
then the same kid grows up and we go all bonkers to get him/her married at the
first instance.
Its about time our parents realised that kids these days
have a mind of their own and they don’t want to adjust so much to someone else's
wishes. This is where the incidents of divorces have risen for our society. But
at the same time the concept of accepting someone who is divorced has not
seeped in. They are divorced, not infected with an untouchability disease.
On what grounds are
those who get divorced condemned? Does the society get the free will to think
that the ones who got divorced didn’t even adjust? Or that they are
characterless. Both these assumptions are baseless and not for the society or
the world at large to decide. Why should an individual adjust and compromise on
his/her happiness for all life. What is the great prize waiting for them at the
end of this torturous route of self immolation? In the Indian scenario you cannot
even blame them for not knowing what they want. Because how much so ever they
know what they want, are our parents ready for that. How long are these so
called 25-30 year old "kids" going to accept whatever their parents
dish out and decide for them? Indian kids on a general basis have a great
character. Divorcing someone doesn’t make them less moral than anybody else.
Its time we all
accepted some major facts.
1. All religions
preach kindness, whether a person is religious or not has little to do with
whether they are good human beings or not
2. Food habits should not be a major criteria for you to
decide marriage.
3. The person who has gotten divorced was unfortunate to
have parents like you, who forced everything down their throats. Please be kind
to such kids.
I would think its worthwhile to salute people who get
divorced, because they chose to live a life where their happiness mattered too,
not only the taunts of their grandfathers second cousins elder sisters aunts
fathers granddaughter. How weird it sounds to just read it, or even writing it.
Imagine the fate of the several who are bound by these restrictions.
Let kids be. They will find their own way. Force them not to
marry someone you like, and they might never have to divorce. If giving your
children freedom, seems too big a sacrifice to make, then at least be tolerant
towards those who are fighting for their happiness. Divorce is just one more
eventuality of life. Yes, personally I would wish no one ever got divorced, but
for that to happen, the initial choice and rather all choices related to the
life partner need to be ours, not orchestrated by society. Trust me there is
nothing wrong with the people who have gotten divorced, mentally or physically.
They are just divorced not diseased.
