Band Bajaa Baraat

“Chikni chameli, chikni chameli” blared as loud as it could, even distorting the sound by going all dhinchak on the jhankar beats, at 1 AM in the night. You might say, its OK on a New Year’s Eve man, lighten up. Enjoy a bit. Alas, it was only August and it was Ganeshotsav. 

My house is prominently located, at a junction of sorts. We paid a premium for it. I am still wondering what the premium was for. Maybe it was for teaching me the 10,000 cultures of India, a bit of Audio technology, and the Dummies guide to using LEDs and lasers on a handcart. I now know of all the festivals and pseudo-religious events in cultures that barely have a population of a 100 in the entire country, but the din is larger than what you can hear at the Niagara.

We, as Indians, painted secular by the most partisan politics over time, have become a country of festivals, loud noises and processions. Processions, processions, processions. The idea of celebrating a festival has somehow been tied to having a tempo with loudspeakers, a music mixing system and a handful of vela people dancing to vulgar songs, till late in the night. There are processions for Ganpati, that go on till 2 AM and sometimes 7 in the morning. I wonder, that if the Siddhivinayak Ganpati sleeps from 2pm to 4 pm and then again dozes off for the night, who are these extreme devotees worshipping by playing item songs at 1 AM in the night. Maybe Ganpati has special night duty during the festival!! God help him. Then there is Id, Mohurrum, Janmashtami and so on, one for each of the 33 Crore Gods and Goddesses that we have in Hindu culture. Add to it Muslims, Sikhs, Christians and others and you have a calendar more tightly packed than PM Modi's itinerary.  

I was wondering what else can we have a procession for, maybe the next time a girl attains puberty, but wait, the slums right next to my house, do celebrate that already. Maybe when the random Cow-mata gives birth to a calf, but I think I have seen that already in the middle of a main road in Delhi. Maybe we can have a procession when Rahul Gandhi makes an intelligent comment? Yes, I think that’s the perfect solution to the cacophony on the roads. It will be called the Mother of all Processions (pun intended). The government should introduce a Pappu Clause, which would be enforced before granting permission to any event. The rule would be that only when RaGa makes an intelligent comment, you are allowed to play Ragas on your loudspeaker. My what peace we shall get then. Sounds music to my ears… ting ting da ting